


Loss

by alecmagnuslwb



Series: The Immortal Inquisitor and High Warlock of Alicante [22]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Comfort, M/M, i don't kill alec or magnus for the record, the deaths aren't graphic or anything, they're immortal thank you, they're just the natural passage of time living to be very old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26010259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecmagnuslwb/pseuds/alecmagnuslwb
Summary: Losing Isabelle and Raphael is different than the ones before.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Raphael Santiago, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: The Immortal Inquisitor and High Warlock of Alicante [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1360348
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92
Collections: Favorite Malec Stories





	Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Writer’s month day 20, prompt: Loss

Magnus can’t explain why Raphael’s death hits harder than any loss he’s ever incurred. Grief is a staple of immortality that he’s lived with, struggled with and even in some ways grown accustomed to for centuries, but this time it’s different.

He’s not sure if it’s because Raphael was like a son to him, the first child he raised that made him feel strong enough to raise the seven they’ve brought up in the world since or if it’s because for so long he grew accustomed to the fact that as a vampire Raphael would always be there and when that was stripped away the floor fell out from underneath him.

Either way he feels it aching in his chest and mind in a way that not even Ragnor’s death had. He remembers the way Maryse had shattered when Jace died, somberly whispering to him that no parent should ever have to know the sting of losing a child.

At the time he’d felt comforted in knowing that all of his and Alec’s children were immortal themselves, his mind including Raphael in that list as always and forgetting even in that moment that he no longer was.

He gets what she meant now. No one should have to see a person they raised up and cared for since they were a child go before they do, but life isn’t always fair in sparing someone that pain and it surely isn’t when you’re immortal.

Raphael lives to be over 200 years old technically with his vampire years behind him, it’s a life well lived, lived the way he wanted it to be. A life based in faith and kindness and humanity.

But Magnus can’t help but selfishly find it unfair that he has to bury the first child he ever had.

A piece of his history dies with Raphael, so proud of everything his boy accomplished and everything he did to ensure Raphael’s safety as he accomplished his dreams. A piece of his heart breaks and isn’t mended for a long, long time.

He grieves the most openly he ever has, usually privately keeping all his heart ache close to his chest, this time it pours out of him from the moment Raphael takes his last breath and Magnus feels like he’ll shatter underneath the weight of it all. He doesn’t though, because the thing about not holding it all in, it gives you the chance to breathe, a cathartic outlet of those around you supporting you as you go through the most poignant loss you’ve ever experienced.

He grieves in a way he hasn’t before, falling into Alec’s arms and feeling like he’ll never be able to pull back as Raphael is placed in the ground by the church where he served his community for nearly 40 years.

***

Alec knows Isabelle is gone before he gets the call. He feels it bone deep so when Simon calls and tells them she’s gone it’s no surprise, he can already feel the heartache.

It’s almost a year to the day since they lost Raphael, a sting that had settled across their family, but in Magnus the most which makes it all the harder. Not having Raphael around to shit talk him was hard enough, but Isabelle is gone now too.

She’s 105, decades older than most Shadowhunters get to live to see with a life well lived and well serviced. The hurt isn’t any easier for Alec though, because this is his sister, his best friend. He’s starting to get acquainted with the grief that comes with immortality now, but this one’s not like the ones before.

Losing his little sister feels like losing a piece of his soul in a way that nothing else has. He knows technically speaking Jace’s death should have felt this way, and for him to admit it didn’t would be considered blasphemous to many of his people, but hey some of them already think him blasphemous for any number of reasons anyway. But when Jace died and he felt the pain of his Parabatai rune fade for the last time after the initial sting there had been peace. Because reality was while their souls were connected by the rune, when it faded no piece of Alec was torn away. Sure he’d absolutely always miss his brother, but he was still whole. Turns out that whole half of your soul dies thing was actually clave bullshit.

Losing Isabelle feels like losing a piece of his soul for real. He knows that feeling will fade, that he’s still a whole person, but Izzy was always the family member he was closest with. It’d been he and Iz from the day she was born side by side in all things. She’d been the first to really understand him, even when she didn’t understand him or when he didn’t understand himself. She’d been the one he always went to for advice and would roll his eyes at her endless teasing, even if he secretly liked it.

She alongside Magnus and their children was the most important person in the world to him. When she’s placed in a mundane cemetery, her final resting place so that Simon can actually go visit her, Alec sobs into Magnus’ chest and for a while he feels like he won’t ever stop.

***

It’s been almost three centuries since they’ve both been gone, but every year like clockwork on the same day they visit Raphael and Isabelle, telling them about all the stupid things they’ve done lately that no doubt the pair would have mocked them for.

They tell their kids stories that they’ve never heard before about Raphael’s days when he was a vampire and Isabelle’s wild years in their youth. They tell their granddaughter epic tales all about her namesake and the great uncle she never knew, but who would have loved her to the moon and back.

The grief never completely fades, but it lessens in time. They never let themselves forget what Isabelle and Raphael meant to them, to the world at large that was so lucky to get to have them. They ensure memories of two of the most important people they’ll every know stay strong and vibrant by their side for eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> I got angsty today, sorry about that guys. To make up for the fact that I killed Raphael here I've got two more coming for writer's month focused on him, one where he's still immortal :)
> 
> tumblr: [alecmagnuslwb](https://alecmagnuslwb.tumblr.com/)


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